lotusjayne
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some of you wanted to know about my trip, so here we go! bei..
🕑 Added 2022-09-11 22:04:39 +0000 UTC some of you wanted to know about my trip, so here we go! being on shrooms was insane. i started out the trip kind of feeling a little anxious, i wasn't nauseous at all at first. my anxiety stems from a need to have control, and doing psychs makes you completely relinquish control, so that's why i was so anxious about doing them. everything started out super cool, my friend's curtain had "3d" hexagons on it and i knew i was tripping the second i looked at the curtain. they looked SO COOL lol. he also had his leds on and the lights were dim, so the purple lights behind everything started turning into rainbows, and i remember just kind of staring at literally everything in the room and just thinking about how cool and pretty everything looked. my thoughts were very fragmented, and every time i looked at something new, i heard my voice in my brain say what it was. so my thoughts were like "light, boat, cat, ceiling, light, skull, light". i heard the words in my brain every time i looked at things LOL. and then i started to feel sick T . T i think this is what made my trip bad, along with the anxiety i felt from being super high and not having control of the way i felt. (i don't really sm0ke weed anymore, and if i do it's only very little because of this!) people look SO WEIRD on shrooms. remember looking at my friends and they looked like they were made of clay, but i also felt like i could see every pore they had. we were watching spirited away, and everything on the screen was so odd and a lot of the time scary. things just looked super weird and scary, and i couldn't enjoy it. i would have times where the badness stopped for a moment and something looked super funny and i just laughed suuuper hard, but when i stopped laughing, everything suddenly felt way too quiet and it would send me back into it bc i felt weird. a lot of my thoughts were me thinking about how i felt like throwing up and didn't want to, but my brain would go "but that's okay! that's normal!" after everything i thought about. this wouldn't really quell my anxiety, but it did in a way? i still felt anxious about throwing up, but it felt good that my brain was reminding me that these things are normal and things are gonna happen, and that's okay. i got super into my head and was thinking about the little things that happen in life and how none of it really matters in retrospect, but that's exactly WHY everything matters if that makes sense. i got the whole "we are connected as people, no one is better than anyone" and started thinking about that theory that every single person you see is just a different version of yourself. this made me think about how people treat me, and if it's good or bad, and how when someone hurts you, it's healthy to forgive them. you can still feel hurt, and your feelings are valid, but shrooms made me think that if someone hurts me, it's just ME hurting myself, having a defense mechanism that's inside myself, because they're just a different version of me. and that's made it so easy for me to forgive people for the things they do. not everyone is a bad person, and not everyone is INTENTIONALLY trying to hurt you, some are just having reactions and responses to things. but that also means if you're hurting yourself, stand up for yourself!! we all have moments where our brains are super mean to us, and that's taught me that when i'm having one of those moments, to stand up to my brain and think about my good qualities. obviously it's hard, and a lot of the time i can't do it. but "that's normal, that's okay!". sometimes you just have to sit with your feelings and figure out what it causing it, and then just sit there and be present for the feeling and FEEL it, and then let it go. in theory, being able to just let things go seems kind of impossible sometimes, but just sitting there and learning to accept that certain things are going to happen gets easier when you realize that you can't control that certain things are going to happen, but that you CAN control your reactions to things. i kept going through all these thoughts in loops, and the anxiety i felt was the worse anxiety i had EVER felt, but the things my brain was making me think was super good for me, so i chalked it up to some give and take lol, and obviously that i had taken too much for my first time. >_
